| my psychosis acting up |
[Jan. 4th, 2005|12:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the voices in my head | ] |
If you really think this is all real then why are you telling me its not. Why must you confuse me and and hide your identity. You stupid fuck you don’t think I see through your games, you’ve been playing these games forever since as long as I can remember. You’re the reason I thought I was a boy, the reason I only played with myself. Maybe you’re the reason im so scared but I don’t think you could of done it jesse you know how I trust you, you protected me from the bad people, maybe your how I stayed alive. You werent always bad jesse, remember when me and you played baseball together, haha sure we looked stupid , one kid with a glove...I don’t think its you anymore but I sure don’t forget you, im sorry Eric took your place, I don’t think he did it on purpose he was only protecting me. Well he’s gone and now I have no one and all I can do is sit here with tears running down my cheeks mixed with the blood THE BLOOD THE BLOOD THE PRETTY BLOOD. Sometimes I see through the vortex’s I see whats on the other side, I see my chosen path , I hear my chosen path. I guess im supposed to kill someone but I’ve figured it all out and they are just scared, scared of being found out I think thats why im supposed to kill him, I don’t want to kill him, I like him , I wish they could understand that and then maybe these paths wouldnt cross the my heros gunna cure juvenile diabetes. I understand them but I hate them I hate them for confusing me and mixing up the worlds, ever see donnie darko? The spheres are real but stupid hollywood producers they are invisible you stupid fucks !! No one can see them!! Do I need to strangle the shit out of you , you sodomizing bastards. Go fuck yourselves. HahaHAHA. My heros gunna cure juvenile diabetes Sometimes I get really scared I still think people are going to kidnap me, I still worry about it. I have so many dreams, countless dreams of people harming us, I think they just want to get at my brain rip apart my organs and throw me in an institution. Im such a fucking loser I think ill always be a fucking loser every square gelatin inch. I mean fuck LOOK AT ME just cuz theres shit on the floor I don’t want to pick up DOESNT mean im fucking crazy. Just cuz I wet the bed till I was 14 doesnt mean im fucking CRAZY. Hahaha you silly fucks sick sick sick sick sick sexual shit. I think im gunna throw up right now I can feel the acid sloshing around making its way up to my throat to be gagged out. |
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| i got a gun |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|08:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb as fuck | ] |
here i am sittin here with a loaded rifle at my feet. i really need some help right now i really dont want to do it. one by one i put the bullets in...one...two...three...four...five one shot in the foot, one shot in the stomach, the shoulder, the chest, the head. the only decision i have to make is if i want to use the bullets on myself or on another...god, heaven or hell please just let something begin... |
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| im so drunk!! |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|06:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared shitless | ] |
hey guys all you crazy mutha fuckas....WHAT. YEAHHHH. OKAYYY. im so fucked up right now drunk as a mutha fucking skunk. right now i really wanna shoot myself with the rifle i got for christmas. my moms upstairs right now and im supposed to open her but i cant im too afriad im so fucking afraid please dont make me open this shit NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|03:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | fucking bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None you fucking idiot!! | ] |
im watching comedy central presents and theres this funny jewish guy on i think i wanna do him cuz his laugh is funny...my ass hurts so bad ive been sitting here gnashing away on this laptop for the past few hours, my ass is killing me the pain is searing, spreading through to my back and its throbbing with sharp intervals. CLAP ON, CLAP OFF, you ever see the old fucking scary ass fucking lady in that commercial wow she makes me have some trouble sleeping hahaha. my house is so trashed and i got to clean it all before monday and i mean spotless fucking clean this is gunna be so fucking fun wow i cant even imagine this is going to suck so much ass man...wow. i dont know why i bother to bitch on here it doesnt make me feel any better but this jewish comedian is hot in a strange jewish way...those silly jews what a riot. i think i wanna be a hippie, a dirty, stoned, wacked out fucking hippie. |
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| jerry curl |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|02:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxiety attack | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Miles Davis - Bitches Brew | ] |
you aint done yet mutha fucka you aint done yet..my highs wearing off..thats not good see i realize that if im high or fucked up all the time then things cant bother me. ive had some problems lately and my medacine aint really workin it supposed to knock me out and make the voices go away but it aint fucking working - oh shit nutty bar break - i cant sleep, sleep scares me, the gun on the back steps scares me i was supposed to ask for it to be put away a long time ago but i cant bring up the courage to ask anyone to do it. thats always the gun they want me to use, i dont know if its because what i did or what they want me to do with it but sometimes im scared i wont be able to keep them down , i dont know how much longer i can ignore them |
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| whats going through my head |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|02:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  the voices are gettin to me | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pink Floyd- Dark Side of the Moon | ] |
what up ya'll im straight fucked up right now! like i cant even comprehend this shit its a nice way to start off this new year. i bought a hookah for new years and its a real nice beauty its about 3 feet tall with four foot hoses nice green velvet and it rotates, its got this pretty pink glass centerpiece ahhhhh shit nikkah the thing is tight we been smokin for two days now and drinkin fortys and shit, i love when my dads gone we fuck this house up. |
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| 40 gangsta style |
[Dec. 20th, 2004|01:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im on my way | ] |
| [ | music |
| | teletubies in the backround | ] |
what up ya'll ive decided to make this shit so all of you can read what i bitch about instead of listening to it...hope ya have fun, im doing it gangsta style right now with a 40 but i just wanted to let the world know how truly obsessed i am with my therapist, i want to kidnapp him and fuck his tied up body. |
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